


I Need Some Time

by AKW_aka_Awkward



Series: Complicated Love [5]
Category: Dead of Summer (TV)
Genre: Bisexual FTM Trans Character, Fix-It of Sorts, Gay Character, M/M, Reevos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 19:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7587496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKW_aka_Awkward/pseuds/AKW_aka_Awkward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sorry this is late. I didn't have my laptop on Tuesday. I had to study Wednesday for my final on Thursday. And my boyfriend, who I hadn't seen in six months, came into town on Friday morning and just left today. So, I just had a chance to write it. I wanted to fix it without ruining how they might fix it later. Because they will I know it. So this happened. It might still make you cry so sorry for that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drew's POV

I realized in the bathroom that I had to tell Blair everything. I can’t just keep it bottled up like this. Not from him. I run to go find him, but apparently he was looking for me because we nearly collided.  
“Hey, is everything okay?” He looks so concerned. It’s now or never. Now she’s standing behind Blair. She’s following me everywhere. Why can’t she just leave me alone.  
“Do you-Do you remember when you told me that you felt that we knew eachother before.” Just focus on Blair. Just ignore her. You need to say this. He nodded his head.  
“Well, we did. This tape that you gave me. I gave it to you, six years ago.” Come on Drew you can do this. There’s no going back now.  
“No. Andrea gave me that tape.” He was kind of laughing it off, as if I was playing some kind of trick on him.  
“That’s right. That’s what you knew me as.” Oh my God. She’s gone. Now I know that telling him is the right thing to do. I want him to know. Need him to. He said he accepts me no matter what. This must count in that. Right?   
“What?” He looks so confused. God, how am I supposed to explain this in a way he’ll understand.  
“It was me. But I wasn’t Andrea. I was Drew.” I can see some tears in his eyes. That’s not supposed to happen.  
“I’m sorry. Are you crazy?” I have to make him understand.  
“No-no. I’m not crazy. Look, I needed you to know.” I hold the tape out to him. I just need him to get it.  
“So you’re a… Who are you?” He looks like his heart is breaking. Why can’t he just understand. I need to explain it a different way.  
“This is who I am.” What else can I say?  
“So, Andrea’s… gone?” He still doesn’t get it!  
“No. There was never an Andrea. This is who I always was.” Please understand! Please! “Look you- you said you could except me. No matter what. And… Blair.”  
“No.” He starts to walk away. No this can’t be happening, not again.  
“Blair!” I feel like my heart has just been ripped out of my chest. He walked away. Just like my mom. Just like everyone! I go to where I know Jessie will be. She’s the only one who knows and I just need to be with someone, anyone, right now. I just know that being alone is a bad idea.  
I sit down beside her and I can’t stop myself from crying. She wraps me in a hug and it feels really good. So I just grab her hand and cry. I don’t know how long we were there but eventually we had to go back to our cabins.  
I was praying that Blair was asleep because I just couldn’t face him right now. I glanced over at his cot and saw a lump there so I crawled into bed and closed my eyes. It’s a good thing that I’m all cried out because the last thing I need is for him to see me so weak.  
I’m almost asleep when I feel a dip on my bed. I sit up and Blair is sitting there looking at his hands. I can tell he’d been crying tonight too. I just sit there waiting for him to say something.  
“I’m sorry I freaked out like that. But I just need some time… to process what happened.” I could tell this was really hard for him to say. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t know what to do. I understand you’re a boy on the inside, but you’re not on the outside… and I don’t know how I feel about that yet.” I kept silent. I wanted to let him finish. I needed to hear what he had to say. “I don’t know if I can be with someone that I can never be intimate with. Someone I can’t be physically or sexually attracted to.” Well that was a knife to the gut. “I feel confused. And like you lied to me, but at the same time you didn’t.” His voice was started to speed up. “I feel betrayed. I feel like our relationship has all been a lie.”  
“Blair it’s not like-”  
“Let me finish.” I shut up and tried not to cry. What he was saying hurt but it also made sense. I could see tears in his eyes.  
“You say Andrea didn’t exist, that you were always Drew, but I knew you as Andrea. She was real to me. She was my friend. The first person who understood. The first person who accepted me. I can’t accept the fact that she wasn’t real.” This can’t be happening again. “Not yet.” I look up at that. Could he really understand. “I accept you Drew.” He accepted me. “I do. I just don’t know if I can be with you. I need time to figure things out.”  
He left and crawled into his cot across the cabin. I layed back down trying to understand where he was coming from. He hurt me. But I guess I hurt him too. I didn’t get any sleep that night. Fearing what would come of this. Was this the end? Or a new beginning?


	2. Blair's POV

After Drew ran out of there I had to wonder if I spooked him again. I waited around for awhile and then decided to go looking for him. About two minutes later I nearly ran straight into him.  
“Hey, is everything okay?” He looks kind of spooked. Like he’s seen a ghost.  
“Do you-Do you remember when you told me that you felt that we knew eachother before.” I nodded my head cautiously not really sure what he was getting at. “Well, we did. This tape that you gave me. I gave it to you, six years ago.”  
What the hell was he talking about. Andrea gave that to me. Was this some kind of joke?  
“No. Andrea gave me that tape.”  
“That’s right. That’s what you knew me as.” What the hell? Is he saying that he’s Andrea? That can’t be right.  
“What?” That’s all I can really think to say.  
“It was me. But I wasn’t Andrea. I was Drew.” My eyes start watering, I can feel it. No. This isn’t happening. This is impossible. Drew can’t be Andrea. Drew’s a guy.  
“I’m sorry. Are you crazy?” He has to be. He must of ate something bad. Or maybe he’s drunk because those are the only possible explanations. Right?  
“No-no. I’m not crazy. Look, I needed you to know.” He holds out the tape to me. I remember all those years ago. Andrea handed it to me the exact same way. Two hands holding it tightly like it meant everything. Like it was a lifeline. Only this time I didn’t take it.  
“So you’re a” Is he Andrea or Drew. Is he a girl or a boy? “Who are you?” I feel like my heart is being ripped apart.  
“This is who I am.” He acts like that explains everything. But I don’t understand what the hell is going on. Or maybe I do and I don’t want to admit it.  
“So, Andrea’s… gone?” Drew, or Andrea, or whoever looks confused.  
“No. There was never an Andrea. This is who I always was.” What the hell does that mean? “Look you- you said you could except me. No matter what. And… Blair.”  
“No.” This is too much. I have to get out of here before I start crying. I turn around and walk away as quickly as I can.  
“Blair!” I hear him yell for me but I can’t bring myself to turn back around. To look at him right now. So, I keep going.  
When I know he can’t see me I start running. Tears streaming down my face. How could he lie to me? But was he really? All this is so confusing. Andrea was real! She was my friend! If she wasn’t real was our friendship a lie? Has our entire relationship been a lie? I trip over something and fall to the forest floor.  
I pull myself up putting my back against the tree and bringing my knees up to my chest. I go back to that day, six years ago.  
_‘Are you okay?’ I look up and see a little girl looking at me with concern in her deep brown eyes. I had thought no one was around. I had come here to cry._  
 _‘I’m fine.’ I try to wipe the tears away before she notices._  
 _‘You don’t look fine.” She sits down beside me._  
 _‘What do you know!” I didn’t mean to yell at her. She hadn’t done anything. I was just so mad._  
 _‘I know what it’s like to be different.’ I could hear the sadness in her voice._  
 _‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ I tried to play it off. How could she know? She puts her arms around me and I just cry into her shoulder. She knows. And she accepts me. She understands. I don’t know how long we’re there for, but after I’ve stopped crying for a while she pulls away. She grabs a cassette out of her player and puts it in it’s case._  
 _She turns her body around so it’s facing me and holds the cassette out to me. She has it grasped in both hands like she doesn’t want to let go but knows it’s the right thing to do. I take it from her._  
 _‘Bowie?’ Why would she give me this? She stands up._  
 _‘You should be the real you. Bowie is. He doesn’t care. You shouldn’t either. You’re a great guy and you deserve to be happy. Just stop caring. The people that matter will like the real you way better than the fake one.’ She starts to walk away._  
 _‘Wait!’ She turns around. ‘I’m Blair.’ She smiles wide._  
 _‘I know. I’m Andrea.’ It sounds like a lie. But who would lie about their name. She walks away without another word and for once I feel like everything might be okay._  
Now I realize that Drew was always Drew. I accept him for who he is, but how can I be with someone that I can never really be with. I realize that I shouldn’t have run like that. What Drew must think. So, I go back to the cabin and lay down waiting for him to come back.  
After Drew lays down I try to get the courage to say what I need to say. How am I supposed to face him after what I did? After how I must have made him feel. About thirty minutes later I walk over and sit on his cot. He sits up looking at me. Waiting for me to speak. Here goes nothing.  
“I’m sorry I freaked out like that. But I just need some time… to process what happened.” God this was so hard to say. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t know what to do. I understand you’re a boy on the inside, but you’re not on the outside… and I don’t know how I feel about that yet.” I stop in case he wants to yell at me, but he doesn’t. “I don’t know if I can be with someone that I can never be intimate with. Someone I can’t be physically or sexually attracted to.” That probably sounded horrible, but it was the truth and Drew deserved that. “I feel confused. And like you lied to me, but at the same time you didn’t.” I know I was starting to talk fast, but I couldn’t stop myself. I had so many emotions running through me right now. “I feel betrayed. I feel like our relationship has all been a lie.”  
“Blair it’s not like-” No I need to get this out!  
“Let me finish.” He closes his mouth and waits.  
“You say Andrea didn’t exist, that you were always Drew, but I knew you as Andrea. She was real to me. She was my friend. The first person who understood. The first person who accepted me. I can’t accept the fact that she wasn’t real.” I could see the pure turmoil on his face, but I had to keep going. “Not yet.” He seemed surprised by what I said. Like the thought of me ever being able to accept it was just a pipe dream. “I accept you Drew.” I could see that look in his eyes. Like the look I knew where in mine all those years ago. “I do. I just don’t know if I can be with you.” Again that probably sound super harsh. “I need time to figure things out.” I get up and go back to my cot. I dream of good things. A time where things are different. Drew is one hundred percent who he’s meant to be. We’re together and madly in love. Like that could ever happen.


End file.
